Robert E. Sherwood Can’t Win ‘Em All

(As I’ve noted previously, the pre-Henry Luce Life Magazine‘s pioneering movie reviewer Robert E. Sherwood went to bat for a lot of now-revered silent films at a time when they were badly losing the eternal art vs. commerce battle. That’s not to say he nailed it every time, as if anyone ever could when it comes to matters of personal taste. Here’s a sampler box of some real surprises.)

The Cruiser Potemkin

(September 23, 1926)

Soviet Russia has at last deposited a moving picture on these shores. It is called The Cruiser Potemkin, and it presents the official record of a mutiny aboard a warship after the Russo-Japanese war.

In this picture we are supposed to see the awakening of the rebellious spirit in the Russian soul; we are supposed to hear the first faint murmurs of that voice which, ten years later, was to burst into a violent full-throated roar of protest against the tyrannies of the Romanoff régime.

Such is the object of The Cruiser Potemkin; so far as this observer is concerned, it failed almost entirely to accomplish that object. I saw in it a few marvelous examples of the director’s and photographer’s art–notably the deliberate, ruthless advance of a company of soldiers upon a hysterical, mutinous mob; but I found the picture as a whole to be so utterly confused, so disorderly, as to be practically incomprehensible.

The Cruiser Potemkin proves that a movie may have magnificently effective long shots and still fail as coherent drama because its close-ups fail to hit the mark. The director here has handled his mobs with unbelievable skill, but when he gets down to individual cases, he is lost.

Look at a Von Stroheim, a Lubitsch or a Chaplin production and you will find that the long-shots make the picture, but that the close ups tell the story.


This review of The Cruiser Potemkin is of purely academic interest, as the film will never be permitted to get by the National Security League, Secretary of State Kellogg and other defenders of the faith.

(Neil’s note: In the weeks that followed, Sherwood dutifully noted in the capsule reviews the growing number of critics who disagreed with his assessment, giving the distinct impression that his critical pan was an isolated incident.)


The General

(February 24, 1927)

Buster Keaton shows signs of vaulting ambition in The General; he appears to be attempting to enter the “epic” class. That he fails to get across is due to the scantiness of his material as compared with the length of his film; he has also displayed woefully bad judgment in deciding just where and when to stop.

In the latter connection, someone should have told Buster that it is difficult to derive laughter from the sight of men being killed in battle. Many of his gags at the end of the picture are in such gruesomely bad taste that the sympathetic spectator is inclined to look the other way.

The General has some grand scenes. Two aged locomotives chase each other through the heart of the Civil War zone, and the ingenuity displayed by Buster Keaton in keeping these possibly tedious chases alive is little short of incredible.

In spite of its pretentious proportions, The General is not nearly so good as Raymond Griffith’s Civil War comedy, Hands Up.


Metropolis

(The Paramount/Channing Pollock cut)

(March 24, 1927)

The new German picture, Metropolis, is undoubtedly the most ambitious effort in celluloid since Intolerance. It sets out boldly to tear to shreds the expensive fabric of our materialistic civilization–a fabric woven on vast looms that have been lubricated, the subtitles explain, with the blood and sweat of the workers.

It tells the story, in fantastic and quasi-allegorical terms, of a fabulous city in which efficiency is god. Above the street level are towering skyscrapers, elevated boulevards, marble stadiums and luxurious palaces of shame; below ground are the dark homes of the bent, haggard workers who tend the elaborate machines.

Carrying efficiency to its ultimate development, a diabolical scientist–the slave of the moneyed class–develops an automaton which can do a man’s work and thus eliminate flesh and blood entirely from the already soulless scheme of modern creation. This invention, of course, develops the destructive tendencies of Frankenstein’s monster and of Capek’s Robots, and threatens to pull the city of Metropolis down on the heads of its rulers; but such a calamity is averted, and the picture ends in a glorious outburst of the get-together spirit and the conclusion that, after all, God is love.


There is altogether too much of Metropolis–too much scenery, too many people, too much plot and too many platitudinous ideas. There is also some tolerably bad acting. It has all and more of the eloquent pictorial effectiveness of The Last Laugh or Variety, but it has none of the simple directness of these great films.

It is perhaps unduly squeamish of me to dwell first on the faults of Metropolis; its virtues are manifold and extraordinary. In all my years as a paid guest at movie palaces I have never seen such amazing pictures as are crammed into every reel of this gigantic production.

Fritz Lang, who directed Metropolis, and Karl Freund, who commanded the battery of cameras, have combined to produce photographic effects that are not far short of miraculous. They have displayed an astounding knowledge of the art of movie legerdemain, and unlimited imagination as well.

As to the acting, I was considerably more impressed by the extras than by the principals–the latter, with the exception of Alfred Abel and Brigitte Helm, being quite ham.


There is a certain resemblance between Metropolis and the hero of one of Stephen Leacock’s nonsense novels, who leaped on his horse and rode off furiously in all directions. If the producers of this incredible picture could only have decided on one definite point toward which to travel, the spectator–who, after all, has only two eyes and one brain–would be able to follow their progress much more easily.

As it stands, Metropolis is actually too much of a good thing.

–R.E. Sherwood.

Dok’s Dippy Duck — The One Before Harding Pops His Clogs (July 26-28, 1923)

(At the seaside, The Kid is talking to a friendly seal who's come ashore.)

KID: "Whatcha doing down here, Flappy?" 

"FLAPPY": "The president missed seeing me in Alaska. I was away on a fishing trip."
(The Kid and a lady friend are in a canoe, and the kid is holding Jerry away with an oar. The lady seems quietly amused.)

JERRY: "I just wanted to ask Madge if I could take her to the Times' Square street dance tonight."

KID: "That's an easy one to answer. You can't."
(A mangy looking mutt addresses a crowd of ducks.)
DOG: "I noticed the president didn't pet any of you barnyard goofs yesterday."
BACKGROUND DUCK: "He's Laddy Boy's cousin."

Laddie Boy was the Presidential dog, but that brings us back to former holder of the “Worst President Ever” trophy Warren G. Harding’s trip to Seattle, and what was supposed to be a 40 day tour of the US that, coincidentally, happened during the beginnings of the Teapot Dome investigation.

Harding and his party, which included Commerce Secretary Herbert Hoover (1874-1964), who would be elected president in 1928, traveled from Alaska to Seattle by ship. All did not go well. Two destroyer divisions and a squadron of U.S. Navy planes escorted the presidential party, and in a dense fog off Port Townsend, the U.S. Army transport Henderson, carrying the president, rammed one of the destroyers.

The mishap put the visit far behind schedule, but Harding eventually arrived safely in the Elliott Bay harbor around 1:15 on July 27, 1923, and began a busy six-hour stay in Seattle. The president reviewed the navy fleet in the harbor and visited the Port of Seattle’s Bell Street Pier. At 2 p.m. he rode in a parade through downtown. Harding then proceeded to Volunteer Park to greet schoolchildren.

By 3:30 p.m. he had moved on to Woodland Park, where the Boy Scouts of America were holding a national jamboree and a crowd of some 30,000 or more Boy Scouts and other young people had been waiting hours to hear the president. Harding gave his speech and led the Scouts in reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, then departed for the University of Washington.[…]

Some in the [University of Washington] audience noticed that the president seemed to rush through his address, skipping periods and pauses that might have elicited applause. Mrs. Harding paid close attention to the president, which many initially ascribed to her concern over the reception of his remarks on Alaska.

Per HistoryLink

After following that up with a few comments to the Press Club (and staying in the car instead of appearing at a children’s hospital), the next stop was supposed to be Portland, Oregon. Instead, Harding was in bad enough shape that they went straight to California for medical attention.

And the reason I bring all this up is that syndicated comics, especially back in the old days, had a long enough lead time that it didn’t make any sense to address the headlines, even if you wanted to. But Dok Hager, as a staff cartoonist, could stay a little closer to the date and the community issues, as we’ve seen several times already. So I can only imagine what was going through his head when “Laddy Boy’s cousin” turned up in an edition where this was the front page headline.

PRESIDENT ILL!
OREGON PLATFORM TALKS CANCELLED!
(banner headline for the Seattle Daily Times, Saturday, July 28, 1923)

To be fair, he didn’t know how bad this was about to get. Nobody did.

Next time: How bad this got.

Dok’s Dippy Duck (July 19-21, 1923)

(On a body of water, the Kid is rowing out in a kayak to talk with a flock of more naturally-inclined ducks, who don't even have hats, so they're not very civilized.)

"I tell you birds right now, this lake must not be freckled with ducks when the annual Navy race is pulled off July 26th."

President Harding’s upcoming visit to Seattle, which was lined up for the end of the next week, coincided with fleet week. The race the Kid is pitching is third annual Navy regatta for the Times Cup, featuring “thirteen picked crews of sailor athletes [battling] for the Times trophy and the championship of the battle fleet”.

All that and a presidential visit, too. What could possibly go wrong?

Coming soon: quite a lot, actually. No spoilers, history majors…

THEN IT HAPPENED.
A duck plays his banjo in a living room while singing "Yes, we have no--." The Kid is drawing a bead on him with a double-barreled shotgun, presumably to prevent him from going bananas.
THE GOEDUCK:
(At the seaside, the Kid has his back up at wormlike creature who's hanging out in the shallows.)

"Say, you rummy, where did you get a license to be called a duck?"

(A clam in the corner of the picture: "Har har.")

Dok’s Dippy Duck (July 9-11, 1923)

(The Kid, sitting at the wheel of a vintage car in the dark of night, watches as his ridealong pal is confronted by his wife with a rolling pin)
"Honest, Geraldine, there were so many caterpillars blocking the road I couldn't get back from Shelby sooner."
(Kid and another duck are startled by a third duck approaching them from behind)
"Jigger, Kid! Here comes that goof who spiels that "Yes, We Have No Bananas" stuff."

“Yes! We Have No Bananas!” The poster child of Public Domain Day 2019. An inescapable earworm. The “Who Let The Dogs Out?” of 1923.

One of the fun benefits of allowing the US public domain to start growing again was getting access to the original sheet music, and like a lot of novelty songs of the period it comes with nine “optional” choruses that no revivalist is shameless enough to touch anymore.

Here’s my favorite:

YES! We have no bananas, we have no bananas today.
We just killed a pony,
So try our bologny
It’s flavored with oats and hay.
We those New Hamp-SHY-re squashes
They taste like go-LAH-shes
But, YES! we have no bananas, we have no bananas today.

Fifth verse (ten times worse)

And if anything, Frank Silver and Irving Cohn were holding back. “It Ain’t Gonna Rain No Mo’” had fifty verses, which automatically makes Wendell Hall my type of sadist.

"I'm introducing something new in golf balls, kid. You can't lose 'em, because after they are struck they whistle until found."

Dok’s Dippy Duck (July 5-7, 1923)

So. Long time no see. And what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, ducks.

And how long has it been? (checks notes) Oh. Yikes.

Previously, The Kid was coming home from a European vacation. With cash prizes and publishing the address of the school-age winner right in the paper.

(Smoking a cigarette, the Kid is contemplating a large stack of unopened mail addressed to the "Duck Editor".)
"No wonder I didn't' get to go to Shelby, with all these guesses to open."
(The Kid cheerfully leans in to his friend Jerry, who is weeping inconsolably under a tree.)
"All in, Jerry?"
"Yes. I bet my roll on Tommy, and had to fly all the way home from Shelby."
(The Kid and Jerry contemplate a sour-looking gent walking away from the town of Shelby with some very large dollar bills under one arm. He could be Jack Dempsey.)

"There are no enthusiastic admirers following the champ."

"I don't thing the army will name any camp after him, either."

So, in case you actually remember when we were talking about Shelby, Montana rolling the dice on the prize fighting game (and let’s face it, why would you?), the city boosters kind of blew it, as the fight film will tell you.

The loudspeaker system in Seattle, on the other hand, was a success.

A panorama picture of 15,000 fight fans jammed into Seattle's Time's Square to hear the results of the Dempsey-Gibbons fight broadcast over a loudspeaker.

To 15,000 persons packing Times Square and the streets leading into it with the greatest crowd ever assembled in the Northwest to listen to news bulletins, The Times yesterday afternoon gave direct returns from the ringside of the Dempsey-Gibbons fight at Shelby, Mont. The throng numbered twice as many men and women as were admitted into the arena at Shelby by ticket and more than the number who actually saw the fight after the gate was stormed and approximately 5,000 nonpaying spectators rushed in.

For four hours the great crowd remained in Times Square, staying nearly thirty minutes after the result of the fight was announced to hear the Associated Press resume of the battle and the happenings at the ringside following the fight.

Move by move and blow by blow, the championship battle was visualized for the immense throng in the telegraphic advices received over three direct wires from the ringside and read over the battery of loud-speaking “Wonderphones.” The voice of the reader was distinctly heard for two blocks.

The crowd gathered early, thousands being on hand for the usual announcements preceding the fight and for preliminary bouts, and by the time the championship contest was called the traffic was completely blocked in Stewart and Olive Streets, Fifth and Westlake Avenues.

The crowd was a Gibbons crowd. There were cheers for the champion but when the challenger landed a blow the crowd would yell and, as the fight extended toward its limit the end of each round brought a wild cheer for the challenger.

Seattle Times, July 5, 1923

Anyway, (sigh) that break was significantly longer than it should’ve been, not that I was abuzz with activity beforehand. So whaddya say we get back to whatever this is supposed to be? Even if I’m the only one still here, here I am.